And now, for your reading pleasure; something silly I wrote in a single night, until my eyelids would no longer function correctly. Why? Because I am dumb. Crisscross Takes A Mary Sue Litmus Test a bit of CDRR fun by Morgan K. *** CRISSCROSS: Hi there everybody! It's me, Crisscross, robot fox and semi-valiant member of the Rescue Rangers. GADGET: And me, Gadget, non-robot mouse and inventor, pilot and mechanic for the Rescue Rangers. CHIP: And me, Chip, also non-robot Chipmunk and leader of the... oh, yada yada yada. CRISSCROSS: Anyway, I'm here today to take the respected and feared Mary Sue Litmus Test. It's not the original one, since that was about Gargoyles fanfiction. But this was the best non-specific one we could come up with. [he blushes] Ever since I was created, I've always been a bit worried about being a Mary Sue. I mean, I'd hate to think that I'm not welcome in the RR fanfic character community. GADGET: Don't worry, Chris! You know, you really don't have to do this. *I* don't think you're a Mary Sue. [she hugs his forepaw] CRISSCROSS [grinning]: Well, sweetie, you might be just a tad biased. GADGET: But that's why I'm here, gearbox! As you take the test, I'll help you decide what questions apply to you and which ones don't. Of course I'll be rooting for you. CHIP: And I'll be rooting against him. GADGET (surprised and miffed): Chip! I'm surprised at you! Why would you want Chris to fail the test? CRISSCROSS: Uh, actually, I asked him to. GADGET: Huh? CHIP: Chris asked me to play devil's advocate so that it would be fair. GADGET: Oh, okay. That makes sense. Are you ready, Chris? CRISSCROSS: As ready as I'm ever gonna be. CHIP: Shall we say it then? GADGET & CRISSCROSS: Okay! ALL: RESCUE RANGERS, AWAY!!! ***** While there are many specialized Mary Sue litmus tests, there aren't really any "universal" tests. This test is made up of non-specific questions that tend to be problems in ALL areas. CRISSCROSS: It'd be hard to be *totally* non-specific. What if you're writing... say... "Jeopardy" fan fiction? CHIP: Chris, *no one* writes "Jeopardy" fan fiction. At least, I hope not. Basically, you will be testing your character to determine if you have a character that is truly original, or if your character is a cliche-ridden clone of countless other characters already in existence... and will probably end up grating on everyone else's nerves. CRISSCROSS: Like Wesley Crusher. GADGET: Now, be nice. [looks thoughtful for a second] Can a canon character be a Mary Sue though? CRISSCROSS: Wesley certainly tries. CHIP: And, in a broad sense, ST:TNG could be considered 'fan fiction' of the original series, just a more public form of it. GADGET: Good point. But how do you know about Star Trek anyway? CHIP: When you've been forced to stay up as many nights watching it with Dale as I have... GADGET: Ohhh... If this is your first time, you've probably got a lot of questions. I suggest taking a look at the FAQs page. CHIP: Do we have that? CRISSCROSS: No, my author forgot to save that page as a plain text file. The big goof. For every question you can answer with a "yes," "sorta," and "kind of," click on the corresponding box. Ain't modern technology great? CRISSCROSS: Actually, we can't, because this is a text file. But I guess we can just keep track as we go along. CHIP: I've got a score sheet. GADGET: [thoughtfully] Waitaminnit. Chris, If they ask you to count answers that only vaguely correspond, it's like they're trying to stack the deck against you from the start! A person can be vague about just about anything. CRISSCROSS: Well, that's why you and Chip are here; to make decisions about anything I get stuck on. HOWEVER, if your character is an RPG character and the only reason you can answer "yes" is because of the actions of characters not in your control, skip the question. CRISSCROSS: I don't *think* I'm a rocket propelled grenade. Canon character - a character that is from the original TV show/movie/game/book as we know it. Basically, any character that is not a fan character. CHIP & GADGET: That would be us. IE - "id est." Pretty much means "in other words." EG - "exempli gratia." In short, "for example." CRISSCROSS: I knew that. 1. Is your character's name... CRISSCROSS: Crisscross? Then yes. Did I get it right? GADGET: [giggles] a. Your name (spelling it differently or changing it a little counts), nickname, or any name you've ever used for yourself? Fic: RPG: CRISSCROSS: 'Morgan *** Kohl'. Nope, nothin' there. b. A variation or pun of a canon character's name? GADGET: None that I can think of. c. A male-sounding name on a female character? (EG, Sam, Alex.) CRISSCROSS: I'm not a girl. d. An ordinary Earth-name spelled differently? CRISSCROSS: Ah, finally, a tricky one. My real name is Crisscross, but I prefer Chris. Does it count? GADGET: I'd say no, because it's the reverse of the question. CHIP: I'll agree. Now, if you spelled it Khrys, that would be different. e. A noun, spelled normally or not? CRISSCROSS: It's a verb, as far as I can tell. I guess that doesn't count. f. An unusual-sounding name that you made up? CRISSCROSS: Hmmm. I guess so. GADGET: Well, most of us on the show have odd names anyway, so in this case, odd might be considered normal. CHIP: That's stretching it a bit. CRISSCROSS: Chip's right. Give me a point. g. Taken directly from a movie/tv show/video game/book you like? CRISSCROSS: 'Flaversham' is from "The Great Mouse Detective", so I guess so. GADGET: But it's your last name, and... Oh, allright. Another point. h. A name that the character chose for him/herself? CRISSCROSS: Well, yeah, but I had to. As if Arthur was really gonna name me anything other than 'fox exoskeleton experiment'. GADGET: I don't think it should count, Chip. Chris named himself out of necessity. CHIP: I'll accept that. i. Japanese or Japanese-sounding for no apparent reason? CRISSCROSS: Nope. Sounds pretty western to me. j. Related or have anything to do with darkness (EG, Night, Shadow), sharp pointy objects (EG, Blade, Dart), or nature? (EG, Raven, Wolf.) CRISSCROSS: No again. Unless Alexander means something like that. I'm not sure. It was the little Klingon kid on Next Gen, though. 2. Does your character share a canon character's last name? GADGET: Well, I'm *distantly* related to the Flavershams, but I don't think that should count. 3. Does your character have more than a first, middle, and last name? CRISSCROSS: Not unless someone snuck one in while I was sleeping. GADGET: How about 'Crisscross Alexander Gadget's-snugglemuffin Flaversham'? CRISSCROSS: [grinning ear to ear] I like it! I like it! 4. Do you wish you had your character's name? CRISSCROSS: I asked Morgan and he said no. Alex maybe, but not the rest. 5. Is the character's name in the title of the story, or does the title relate to your character at all? (For example, The Romance of Legolas Greenleaf and Jenyphyr Sylverhare) CHIP: "Double Criss-Crossed" is pretty obvious. Gonna have to bust you on that one. CRISSCROSS: Not a problem. I saw that one coming. Though I thought Morgan was just being clever. 6. Is your character about or appear to be 13 to 25 years old? CRISSCROSS: I'm not sure. Do they mean a 13 to 25 year old fox or a 13 to 25 year old robot? CHIP: Since you look more like a fox than a robot, I'd have to say yes, this does apply. CRISSCROSS: Aw, shoot. 7. Does he/she appear to be the age you would like to be? CRISSCROSS: Well, Morgan already *is* in that age bracket, so I guess he doesn't have to want to. GADGET: Sounds logical to me CHIP: [cups his chin in his paw and thinks] Allright, I guess I'll let it pass. The question doesn't account for that possibility. 8. Does the character look younger than he/she actually is? CRISSCROSS: Nope, I'm the opposite, actually. I'm only twee and a half yeaws old! No, really! a. For scientific or magical reasons? b. Will this be a plot point? CRISSCROSS: No and no. 9. Or if your character is extremely young (under ten years old), does he/she look or act older? CRISSCROSS: Darn! They've got me snookered no matter what I say! GADGET: [crosses her arms huffily] That's not fair in Chris' case! It's perfectly normal for a robot to age differently from an animal! CHIP: I kind of agree, but the question is pretty clear, so I guess we have to give Chris another point. GADGET: Oh, goobers! CRISSCROSS: It's okay, Gadget. I've missed most of them so far. I think I'm doing okay. a. For scientific or magical reasons? GADGET: That's not fair either! Loosely interpreted, that could cover any possibility! That's making the character taking the test take two points for the same question! CHIP: I agree. It would be one thing if they made it more specific, like if they meant the character was bioengineered to look older, but Chris was 'born' looking the way he is. Okay, no point. CRISSCROSS: Yay! b. Will this be a plot point? CRISSCROSS: [dryly] Heaven forbid. 10. Is your character the same gender as you are? CRISSCROSS: [growls] Yes, but so what? Most authors write main characters the same gender as them! Does that make all those characters bad?! CHIP: I don't like it either, but that does count as another point. 11. Is your character the same ethnicity? - Note: if your character is of another species, answer yes. CRISSCROSS: [growls again] I think that one's even more unfair! Why should I have to take a point because I and my author are different species? That should be one in my *favor* Doesn't it take more creativity to write for a completely different genus? GADGET: [pats his paw] Don't get upset, Chris. It's just a silly test. CRISSCROSS: It's okay. I'll take the point. 12. Is the character very beautiful, handsome, or irresistably cute? GADGET: I certainly think he is! CRISSCROSS: [blushes] Gawrsh! CHIP: Yes, but I would guess we're going by how they're presented in the story. I know I'm supposed to be going against you, Chris, but I didn't notice Morgan going to any great lengths to describe you as being gorgeous. CRISSCROSS: True. And most other foxes seem to think I'm about normal in the looks department. GADGET: No point then. a. Do any other characters find this person very attractive? CRISSCROSS: Uh, Gadget, I do believe you've established that. Another point then. GADGET: Oh shoot. b. A major character? GADGET: Double shoot. CHIP: Another point. c. Multiple major characters? CRISSCROSS: Not that I know of. [turns to CHIP and bats his eyelashes] Unless you've been holding out on me, lovermunk! *tee hee* CHIP: Now cut that out! d. Does anyone ever fight over your character because of his or her looks? CRISSCROSS: I don't think so. Either of you remember anything like that happening? GADGET & CHIP: No. CRISSCROSS: Movin' on then... e. Do other characters see his/her attractiveness as a threat? (Completely ignore this question's subquestions if this is an RP character and other characters who fall for him/her are not in your control.) GADGET: I think you're safe here too, Chris. CRISSCROSS: RP character? I don't know any red pandas... 13. Do other characters still find your character extremely sexy, despite fighting battles, being tortured, and/or traveling for days without bathing or washing? - Ignore if the only characters who do this are RPG characters not under your control. Oh, and ask 'em if they'd REALLY want to get romantic with someone who has greasy hair, smelly feet, body odor, etc. GADGET: This is touchy. I mean, if you really, really love someone, wouldn't you still find them sexy even if they were all stinky 'n dirty? CRISSCROSS: I know I certainly think you're adorable when I see you all sweaty from working in your workshop, cute little grease smudges on your face and coveralls... My little mechanic... [gets cartoon hearts for eyes and tail frizzes up] GADGET: Oh Chris! [Gives him a little kiss on the cheek] CHIP: I can settle this. Gadget, if Chris had just been wallowing in some mud, would you prefer he go wash his fur before cuddling with him? GADGET: Well, yeah. Unless there wasn't time to and we absolutely, positively had to cuddle right that moment! CHIP: Fair enough. No point. CRISSCROSS: [looks thoughtful] Actually, my mousey sweetie, rolling in the mud together might be fun... GADGET: [looks bashful] Maybe later... 14. Does your character share any notable physical characteristics with a canon character? (For example, the same trademark hairstyle, outfit, or accessory. Genetic resemblances do not count.) CRISSCROSS: [looks himself over] Not that I can tell. Guys? GADGET: Hmm... Nope. CHIP: I don't see anything, besides your tuft of headfur looking a little like Dale's. But a tuft is a tuft. No point. 15. Does your character have an unusual feature? (EG, a birthmark in the shape of an object.) CRISSCROSS: There's my cross fur pattern. Does that count? GADGET: It's not like you flaunt it or anything. CHIP: Well, it is an unusual color pattern in natural foxes. I'd have to say it counts. GADGET: Hmph. That seems a little unfair. Doesn't everybody have *something* unique about them? CHIP: I'm pretty standard for a Chipmunk. CRISSCROSS: What about that little scar on your tush that looks like a vacuum cleaner? CHIP: [blushes] How do you know about that?!? CRISSCROSS: [apologetic] Sorry. I picked it up on a body scan once. a. Unusual eye color for no apparent reason? CRISSCROSS: Not unless green is unusual b. Does the eye color change with his/her mood? CHIP: You can change your eyes to look like something else. You did it just a moment ago. GADGET: It's not the same thing. Most animals' eyes aren't really two-way video screens. CHIP: True. You got me. Just doin' my job. c. Unusual hair color for no apparent reason? CRISSCROSS: Again, not unless brown is unusual. GADGET: If you had brown eyes and green hair, that might be different. CRISSCROSS: No thanks, I'll leave the 'punk' look alone. d. Does this become part of the plot? GADGET: Nope. 16. Does your character have a scar that is noticed by another character - and it doesn't detract from their appearance at all? CRISSCROSS: I don't *think* I have any visible ones. My fur covers up all my repair seams pretty well. GADGET: I've never noticed any prominent ones either. CHIP: Okay, no point. 17. Does your character have a particularly piercing or blank gaze? GADGET & CHIP: [both stare at Crisscross' eyes] Nope. CRISSCROSS: I would hope I don't have a blank gaze. 18. Do you describe your character in great detail? - Ignore if this is an RPG character and the description in question is a stats sheet. CRISSCROSS: I dunno. Chip, you're the nitpicker; what do you think? CHIP: [glances through "Double Criss-Crossed" in his mind] I don't seem to remember any extravagant amounts of detail. Certainly nothing page-length. It was just a paragraph. And not much at all in your other stories. So I'd have to say no. GADGET: Besides, you only need three words to describe Chris: cute, fuzzy and wonderful! CRISSCROSS: [smiles and hugs her] Thanks, honeymouse! I could say the same for you, and throw a whole lot more adjectives in too! a. Very early on? CRISSCROSS: Third chapter. That count? CHIP: Not to me. b. In the first paragraph? CRISSCROSS: Certainly not. c. Using poetic words? (For example, Whyspir's lusterous ebony waves cascaded gracefully down her back while her amber eyes shone softly in the candlelight.) GADGET: [reading from the story] 'His fur was scruffy and matted in some places, but it was very colorful'. That doesn't sound too flowery to me. CRISSCROSS: Thank heavens. d. Frequently? CRISSCROSS: Nope. 19. Does your character's description contain something to the effect of "Looks just like [canon character/celebrity] except..." CRISSCROSS: I dunno. Do I look like anybody? GADGET: [doing a Dot impression] Just like Mel Gibson! He's dreeeeamy! CRISSCROSS: [giggling] Stop that; you do that impression *too* well! 20. Does your character frequently wear... CRISSCROSS: Spandex? No, not even once. CHIP: I don't think that's an official question, Chris. a. ...Very sexy clothing? CRISSCROSS: Is a vest and no pants sexy? GADGET: Maybe if a human wore it. I don't think it's the same for those of us with fur. CRISSCROSS: I know if *you* wore just a vest and no pants... Now THAT would be sexy! GADGET: [blushes furiously but is secretly appreciative] Chriiiiiis! b. ...Clothing that is unusual for your character's time, gender, or social status? (Ignore if this is because your character has a truly bad fashion sense.) CRISSCROSS: I'm pretty sure that doesn't fit. I've seen other small predatory mammals with vests before. CHIP: Sounds allright to me. c. ...Mostly black? CRISSCROSS: Heck no. I'll leave that to Widget. d. ...Lots of leather? CRISSCROSS: Heck no, I'll leave that to Leviathan. e. ...Anything that partially or wholly conceals his/her face? CRISSCROSS: Well, I am wearing a latex/polymer face over my mechanical insides... GADGET: I think that would count more as skin than clothing. f. ...Armor that reveals cleavage, the stomach, legs, back, and/or arms? CRISSCROSS: [looks towards Gadget and starts to open his mouth] I wish... GADGET: Don't say another word!!! CHIP: [stifles a small chuckle behind his paw] 21. Has your character fought a lot over the course of his/her life, but doesn't have many noticable scars? GADGET: I think we covered that before; that your fur covers any scars you might have. CRISSCROSS: Well, I haven't been in a lot of fistfights in my life, so the question seems moot anyway. 22. Is your character a hybrid? CRISSCROSS: Nope; one hundred percent inorganic. a. In a universe where hybrids are very unusual? b. A hybrid of more than two species? c. Does he or she posses the strengths of both species, but none of the weaknesses? CRISSCROSS: Sounds like they're talking about that 'Blade' guy. CHIP: That movie bored me. CRISSCROSS: When did you... CHIP: Dale made me watch it. CRISSCROSS: Ah. d. Or... does your character possess all of the weaknesses, but none of the strengths? (Minus 4!) CRISSCROSS: That would be interesting. That character would get their butt kicked a lot though... e. If not a cross-breed, then perhaps cross-culteral? CHIP: 'culteral'?!? GADGET: If we don't know what that means, he doesn't have to take a point, right? CHIP: I think it's a spelling error. CRISSCROSS: Maybe not. Maybe they wanna know if I belong to two religious cults at once. 23. If a full-breed, is your character impervious to limitations that his/her species normally has? (For example, a vampire that is immune to sunlight/garlic/crosses.) CRISSCROSS: Show me another android fox and I'll ask them. CHIP: Well, you are more indestructible than a normal fox, but since you're really a robot, I have to conclude it doesn't count. You seem to have about the same durability as any robot I've seen. 24. Does your character become a genetically, cybernetically, or magically altered being, possibly with new powers? CRISSCROSS: You've cybernetically enhanced me a few times, Gadget. GADGET: True, but you were cybernetic from the beginning. CHIP: I'll let it pass. Now, if you suddenly became a cyborg, that would be different. CRISSCROSS: That could be neat. I've always kinda wondered what going to the bathroom would be like. CHIP & GADGET: [both look at him strangely] CRISSCROSS: What? a. Is he/she happier this way? b. Do people like him/her better this way? CRISSCROSS: Two more moot ones. c. Do you wish it would happen to you? GADGET: Did you ask Morgan? CRISSCROSS: He said it'd be okay with him to get cybernetically altered, but since it didn't happen to me in the first place, it's still moot. d. Was your character kidnapped for some type of experiment in order for this to happen? CRISSCROSS: Kidnapped... sort of. Altered, no. 25. Is your character partially or completely some kind of angel/demon/spirit being? CRISSCROSS: I'm not, but you're certainly an angel, Gadget! GADGET: Thanks, Chris! CHIP: [grinning] Actually, after being inside you when you're running through rush- hour traffic at mach five, I'd have to say you're a *speed demon*, Chris! CRISSCROSS: [rolls eyes] Hilarious. 26. Is your character a species that is not normally found in the universe he/she is currently in? (For instance, an elf in a Star Trek story.) GADGET: Nope, there were robot canines around long before you showed up, Chris. CRISSCROSS: [raises eyebrow] When was this? GADGET: Nimnul's bulldogs, remember? That case with Spunky and the static electricity generator? CRISSCROSS: Ohhhh yeah. 27. Is your character basically a girl version of your favorite-at-the-time male hero? CRISSCROSS: Once again; I'm not a girl. 28. Does your character have a job that you wish you could have? CRISSCROSS: Does 'Rescue Ranger' count as a job? It's not like we get paid. CHIP: It's iffy, but I think it fits the spirit of the question. And I think we all know Morgan would give anything to join the team. CRISSCROSS: *sigh* Another point then. 29. Does your character hold a job or position that is unusual for his/her age? CRISSCROSS: None of the other Rangers are three and a half. GADGET: Well, your mental age is about normal. CHIP: [thinks it over] Ehhhh... Okay, Gadget's got a point. CRISSCROSS: But she's not the one taking the test! CHIP: You know what I mean! 30. Is your character wealthy, or at least always has the money to buy that plane ticket, dinner dress, or diamond necklace? CRISSCROSS: Heck no. I'm living in a junkyard, fer cryin' out loud! GADGET: And since when do we need money for a plane ticket anyway? [smirks] a. For no apparent reason? (IE, character never actually works or gives any clue at all to a source of income.) CRISSCROSS: [grins snarkily] Oh, like on "Friends". GADGET: You watch that show?!? CRISSCROSS: Naw, I just make fun of it. 31. Does your character often break the rules and/or get away with doing things that other people would get into trouble for? CRISSCROSS: I have no idea how to answer this. I mean, considering this test seems geared to human characters, yes, I do sneak into buildings and steal food every now and then. But we all do that! We're animals! GADGET: I think they mean do you break rules without having to pay consequences for it more than normal for your relative situation. In that case I'd say it's a big no. CHIP: True. You're actually very well-mannered, Chris. CRISSCROSS: [happy at the compliment] Why thank you, Chip! a. Does he or she make authority figures look like bad guys in the process? CHIP: [a tad boastful] Well, we all make the human police look bad on occasion. But that's not quite the same thing. 32. Does your character have a spitfire personality, razor wit, attitude, and/or strong temper? CRISSCROSS: I don't *think* so... GADGET: Oh Chris, of course not! You're a big sweetie! CHIP: Yeah, I don't think being polite and eager-to-please are considered signs of a strong temper. CRISSCROSS: Thanks again, Chip! 33. Is your character easily provoked to anger and/or violence? CRISSCROSS: Heck no! a. Especially after "being made fun of?" CRISSCROSS: If I can take you guys, and Dale especially, ribbing me about my, uh, 'anal port', I can take anything! GADGET & CHIP: [both giggle heartily into their paws] CRISSCROSS: Oh heck, why did I even bring it up!? b. Has your character ever killed someone after being provoked? CRISSCROSS: [fur stands on end] For gosh sakes, NO! 34. Is your character currently seeking revenge? CRISSCROSS: Uh, let's see... Unless you count my mild desire to toss Arthur, Nimnul, diGriz and Fat Cat in a trash can and roll them down a hill a few times, then no. CHIP: Well, that's only natural. GADGET: And, you're not actively going out looking for revenge, and that matters. CRISSCROSS: That's true. 35. Did your character aquire amnesia within the past ten years? CRISSCROSS: I couldn't have, because I haven't even been alive that long! And double no, since I have all my memory files either locked or backed up or both. 36. Are animals (especially the cute 'n fuzzy kind) instinctively attracted to your character? - But ignore if the animals in question are the creepy-crawly kind. GADGET: *I'm* instinctively attracted to you! CRISSCROSS: I knew you were going to say that! And you *are* cute 'n fuzzy! CHIP: Considering we *are* animals, I'd say the question's moot. 37. Does your character have one or more animals that follow him/her around constantly? CRISSCROSS: [looks down at GADGET] Oh, I'd say so! GADGET: *tee hee* CHIP: Another animal question. Moot. a. Is this animal a wolf, big cat, or mythical creature? CHIP: Moot, moot, moot! CRISSCROSS: I would certainly hope I don't have any of those constantly following me! 38. If your character is the child of one or more canon characters, did he/she inheirit the parents' abilities? a. Is he/she even better than the parents? CRISSCROSS: More mootness. Let's move on, shall we? 39. If the last question does not apply, does your character have a weapon or power that is just as good as that of a canon character? CRISSCROSS: This is the question I've been dreading. GADGET: Golly, why? CRISSCROSS: It should be obvious. I'm an inventor like you, I'm stronger than Monty, and come to think of it, I'm as goofy as Dale on occasion. CHIP: _No one_'s as goofy as Dale, Chris GADGET: ...and I don't think goofiness qualifies as a 'weapon or power' either. CRISSCROSS: True, but you see my point. GADGET: I don't think so, Chris. I mean, true you're *proportionally* stronger than Monty, but that's just because you're bigger and a different species. CRISSCROSS: ...is 'android' a species? GADGET: You know what I mean. Anyway, if you were a mouse like him, he'd be able to beat you at arm wrestling whenever he wanted to. CRISSCROSS: True, true. GADGET: And as for being an inventor... Well, I think you're as good as I am. CRISSCROSS: [emphatically] No way, uh uh! I'm nowhere near you are! You make all sortsa incredibly cool stuff outta scratch all the time! GADGET: So do you! I'm not trying to argue you into taking a point, I'm just trying to help you feel confident in your work. I'm a mechanical inventor, and you work in electronics. I couldn't do half the things you do with circuit boards and wires. CRISSCROSS: Sure you can! You fix me up fine all the time! GADGET: Hmmm, you have a point. CHIP: Indeed, he does. Even though I can see both sides of the issue, I have to give Chris a point. CRISSCROSS: I reluctantly agree. It's fair. a. Is it, for all intents and purposes, almost just like a canon character's power or weapon, only better? CRISSCROSS: Well, I think we've just established that I'm not 'almost just like' you guys. GADGET: That's right, Chris. Yes, you might be similar to us in some ways, but the *way* you use your talents is different than ours. You might be as strong as Monty, but he uses his strength for fighting, and you use yours... CRISSCROSS: ...mostly to build stuff and occasionally break open doors. GADGET: Exactly! And like I said, while we're both inventors, we work in different fields, so our skills actually compliment each other to help make the team stronger! To put it another way; sure, Zipper and Foxglove can both fly, but we don't kick one of them out of the Rangers because of it. Each of them adds something unique to the team. CRISSCROSS: [brightens] Hey, yeah! I hadn't thought of it like that! Thanks, Gadget! CHIP: Well reasoned, Gadget. No point for Chris this time. b. If not, does it just happen to be more powerful? CRISSCROSS: Is this the same as the me/Monty thing we were just talking about? GADGET: I'd say so. CHIP: I'll agree. 40. Is your character just as good or even better at the jobs and/or skills of one or more canon character? (EG, better hacker than the nerd character, better fighter than the warrior.) CRISSCROSS: I'm confused. This seems the same as the last set of questions. CHIP: Hmm, I think it might be due to the fact that this is obviously not a Rescue Ranger-themed test. We may have *interpreted* that last question as this one, since all the questions have to be 'bent' to our situation. GADGET: Oh. Does that mean Chris has to take two points then? CHIP: ...I'm not sure. The 'weapon or power' category fits the strength issue, but the 'jobs/skills' one seems more like the inventing thing. CRISSCROSS: [sighs resignedly] Well, I do want to be as fair as I can about this. And they did say kindas and sortas should count so... Give me the point, Chip. CHIP: If you say so. a. Does he/she have the talents, skills, and/or abilities of several canon characters combined? CRISSCROSS: I would have to say no. CHIP: I'll agree. 41. Does your character often carry daggers, stars, throwing knives, and/or guns concealed in his/her clothing? CRISSCROSS: [shocked] Geeze, I hope not!!! [Shakes out his vest just to make sure] 42. Does your character ever take out more trained forces (EG, security guards, soldiers) than you can count on one hand by him/herself? CRISSCROSS: I'm trying to think of any scenario where that's happened. CHIP: Well, there was the time we took on Delacroix's guards and... Oh wait, you were deactivated then! CRISSCROSS: Hmm, do you think I could have, if I'd been awake? I'm not much of a fighter, remember. CHIP: I think you could, if you needed to to save someone important to you. GADGET: But they're not asking if Chris *could*, only if he already *has*. CHIP: Right. Okay, no point. 43. Does your character have a weapon that was handed down from a parent/trainer? CHIP: Arthur did design several things into Chris that could be used as weapons... GADGET: Nope, not the same. Too broad an interpretation. CHIP: Okay. a. If not a parent/trainer, was it given to your character by some kind of spirit/magical being? CRISSCROSS: Yeah, one time this lady rose out of a lake and gave me a big honkin' sword. [giggles] b. Is this weapon magical? c. Is this weapon legendary? d. Do you often mention that it belonged to someone before your character? (For example, "Wielding her father's sword, Selina brought down the dragon in a single stroke.") CRISSCROSS: I think we can skip these. CHIP: Not a problem with me. 44. Was your character trained in some art by or with a canon character? CRISSCROSS: You taught me a lot more about inventing that I didn't know, Gadget. GADGET: That didn't happen during any of the fanfics, though. CRISSCROSS: Your verdict, Chip? CHIP: [thinks about it] No point. CRISSCROSS: Whew. 45. If female, does she hold a job or is she trained in some art in which females are discouraged, forbidden, or otherwise unusual? a. Although there is no canon evidence to support a female being discouraged from doing this? CRISSCROSS: I'M NOT A GIRL! 46. Does your character wield a Japanese weapon, but is not Japanese him/herself? CRISSCROSS: I can sing karaoke, if that's what they mean. CHIP: No, Chris, karaoke is only a deadly weapon in the hands of Irweena Allen. [both he and Gadget shudder at the memory of that voice] 47. Does your character live in a relatively modern setting AND use a large, bladed weapon such as a sword for no logical reason? (A bladed weapon being the only weapon that can kill something is a logical reason. Sentiment is not.) CRISSCROSS: I've never even *tried* wielding a sword. 48. Does your character possess a weapon or artifact that is not normal in the universe he/she is in? (For example, a lightsaber in a Lord of the Rings story.) CRISSCROSS: No, but I really like the example! CHIP: Yeah, imagine how many orcs Aragorn could've felled with one of those bad boys! GADGET: Since when are you a LOTR fan? CRISSCROSS: Lemme guess; Dale made you watch the movies? CHIP: [blushes a bit] Actually no, I read the books in high school. [pauses] ...and Dale made me watch the movies. 49. Does your character possess a piece of jewelry that is magical and/or has some special significance? a. Does this piece of jewelry protect your character from some weakness? (For example, a ring that protects a vampire from sunlight.) CRISSCROSS: No, but I have a diamond tiara that's just *gorgeous*. CHIP: This is turning into 'Snappy Answers To Stupid Questions'. 50. Does your character use magic in a typically non-magic universe? GADGET: You've certainly put a spell on me, fuzzball! CRISSCROSS: Oooh, good one, Gadget! (Otherwise no, of course) 51. Does your character fly? a. Without wings? GADGET: If I ever get around to modifying your chassis, you will! CRISSCROSS: Cool! CHIP: Why does that thought frighten me? 52. Does your character have a telepathic/empathic connection to any kind of animal? CRISSCROSS: I can control the minds of waterfowl. CHIP & GADGET: WHAT?!? CRISSCROSS: Sorry; "Space Ghost: Coast To Coast" reference. Penn Jillette said that. Otherwise, of course, no. a. Anything such as horses, wolves, big cats, or mythical creatures? - Bonded creatures do not count, so long as it is within a universe where this is extremely common and it is your character's one and only bonded creature. GADGET: *Bonded* creatures?!? CRISSCROSS: I'm sure that can't mean anything nearly as weird as it sounds. 53. Does your character possess any other psychic, telekinetic, or otherwise mysterious mental powers that are not normal in his/her species? CHIP: I think the fact that you can see infrared, play music out of your sides and access the internet with your brain has to count here. It's not exactly psychic, but I'm certain this falls within the spirit of the question. CRISSCROSS: I'm not sure I entirely agree with you, Chip. Those things are completely natural to me. CHIP: Well, you have to admit, those wouldn't be normal things for any regular, non- robotic fox to do. CRISSCROSS: Allright, fair enough. I don't like it, but I'll take another point. a. Do these powers allow your character to "see" things without being there? CRISSCROSS: I don't currently have any way to link myself to video security systems, so no. Though I admit I would like to. GADGET: I'll see what I can do. CRISSCROSS: Really? Neato! b. Do they make up for a disability, such as being blind/deaf/mute? CRISSCROSS: Someone make a 'Daredevil' reference here, please. CHIP: Can't think of any. GADGET: Me neither. CRISSCROSS: Forget it then. 54. Does your character possess mysterious healing powers? (Powers granted by amulets or whatever count.) a. Strong enough to save a character from mortal injury? CRISSCROSS: I wish I did! GADGET: Me too! That would be nifty! 55. Does your character have powers that can take out cities/legions of soldiers/general all-around evil? (Powers granted by amulets or whatever count.) CRISSCROSS: [naughty grin] Does morning breath count? GADGET: You don't even _have_ morning breath! Your mouth just smells like latex. CRISSCROSS: Why thank you. 56. Does something ever happen that causes long-hidden powers to emerge? CRISSCROSS: Nope. ...Well, does my suddenly acquiring sentience count? GADGET: I don't think sentience is really a power. CRISSCROSS: Among robots it might be. CHIP: No, it's too vague. 57. Does your character know things that normal people his/her age wouldn't know, even if educated in the same field? CRISSCROSS: Say what? CHIP: I think they mean, if someone else got the same education in a particular field, would you still know more about it than they do, but for no apparent reason. CRISSCROSS: I don't think it applies to me, but I'm not sure how to compare myself to a 'normal person' in this regard. Would another fox know as much about electronics at my age? Are we talking the age of my body, or my maturity level? I'm confused. I say we move on. CHIP: Yeah, okay. a. About magic? CRISSCROSS: ...the Gathering? CHIP: ...the William Goldman novel? CRISSCROSS: Ooh, good one Chip. b. About weaponry? CRISSCROSS: Heck, I don't know poot about weaponry in the first place. c. About mechanics? CRISSCROSS: This could apply, but I'm not sure. GADGET: Well, did Arthur program you to know how to build things? CRISSCROSS: No. I'm self-taught; just like you. GADGET: And you've done a great job of it. But I don't think another animal in the same position couldn't teach themselves equally well or better. CRISSCROSS: Oh, okay. I get it. 58. Ah, the sound of music! Does your character... CRISSCROSS: ...rent the movie and sing along with the Von Trapp family? Nope. GADGET: [shyly] I do sometimes. CRISSCROSS: Really? You should let me hear you sometimes. You have a very pretty voice, Gadget. GADGET: [blushes adorably] Golly... a. Have a beautiful singing voice? CRISSCROSS: Well... GADGET: You do! And I don't care if it costs you a point! You do! CRISSCROSS: Chip...? CHIP: She's right. Who else can sing flawless five-part harmony all by themself? CRISSCROSS: Aw poo, another point. b. Play a musical instrument extremely well? CRISSCROSS: Does my internal jukebox count? CHIP: Depends. Are you playing the instruments yourself, or just playing back existing songs? CRISSCROSS: The second one. CHIP: Doesn't count then. CRISSCROSS: Woohoo! c. Can he/she charm other characters with his/her musical talent? CRISSCROSS: [looks at Gadget] Uh... GADGET: Oh! Um... Nope, I'm not charmed at all by your musical talent! Nope! Not me! CHIP: Nice try, Gadget. Another point. GADGET: Oh darn. Sorry, Chris. CRISSCROSS: [chuckles] That's okay. 59. Does your character speak more than one language? a. More than three? CRISSCROSS: I can speak binary, HTML, C++, hexadecimal... GADGET: I think they mean spoken languages, Chris darling, not computer languages. CHIP: *Can* you speak other languages? CRISSCROSS: Um, not really. I can if I look up each phrase line-by-line on Altavista Babelfish in my head, but that's about the same as someone else reading out of a phrasebook, isn't it? CHIP: Close enough for me. CRISSCROSS: Oh, hey, here's an example: 'ich bin ein roboterfuchs'! 60. Any other skills that your character does amazingly well? (This does not count if you are using the Iandan skill system properly.) One for every skill! CRISSCROSS: Oh, I'm in trouble now. CHIP: Well, let's see: you can think faster than any of us and access information quicker, you can run faster... Gadget, can you think of any? GADGET: He's very, very handsome. CRISSCROSS: [would blush if he could] Awww, thanks, sweetie. But I don't think being handsome is a skill. GADGET: [giggles] I know, I'm just having fun with you. CRISSCROSS: And as for your points, Chip, you're right about my brainspeed, but if you'll check, my landspeed isn't that much greater than an organic fox. I've got some more stamina since I'm mechanical, but I can run out of power, too. CHIP: I'll take your word for it. Allright, one point. CRISSCROSS: No, I think we have to make it two. CHIP & GADGET: Why? CRISSCROSS: Because of my other skill; my ability to take damage. GADGET: Oh, Chris. That's not... CRISSCROSS: Yes, it is. Think of all the times I've saved you guys by taking a hit that was meant for you. That chainsaw, the fire Pryo set for us, the shotgun shell I intercepted for Widget... It's something special I bring to the Rangers and it has to count. GADGET: [softly] You mean more to us than just a shield, Chris. CRISSCROSS: I know, and thank you for saying so. CHIP: I agree with Gadget, but if you feel strongly enough about it to take an extra point, okay. CRISSCROSS: I do. 61. Does your character learn new skills extremely quickly? CRISSCROSS: Quickly for an organic or quickly for a robot? Like you just said, my brain runs faster than you guys'. GADGET: If you compared it proportionally, I don't think it would be much different. CHIP: Okay by me then. a. To the point of being able to do them as well or at least nearly as other characters who have been practicing for years? CRISSCROSS: Dale still beats me every time at fencing, so I guess not. CHIP: And I always beat you at chess. CRISSCROSS: Maybe if I could keep all the rules straight, I'd win occasionally. 62. If your character does bungle almost everything, is he/she quickly and easily forgiven for it? CHIP: Insert Dale joke here. GADGET: Aw, Chip, that's mean! CHIP: Okay, you're right. I'm sorry. And Chris, no, you don't bungle things much. CRISSCROSS: Unless you count trying to woo Gadget... GADGET: [grins sheepishly] 63. Was your character orphaned, or at least raised by a family/person that was not his/her own? CRISSCROSS: Aw, heck. Another question I don't know how to answer. Being a robot's a pain in the butt sometimes. GADGET: Don't you mean 'anal port'? [Grins wickedly] CRISSCROSS: Aaargh! CHIP: It sort of seems to fit, but I can't see how. I say no point. CRISSCROSS: Whew. a. Was a major villian responsible for the death of the parents? CRISSCROSS: Nope, Arthur's still alive. b. Was your character responsible for his/her parents' death? CRISSCROSS: No, but I wouldn't mind throttling him a little. CHIP: I don't blame you. c. Did the parents die in a fire? CRISSCROSS: Now there's an idea! GADGET: [warningly] Chris... CRISSCROSS: Only kidding! You know I'm a nonviolent fox. d. Did your character see the parents die? CHIP: Have we not already established that Arthur's still alive? e. Was he/she adopted by a cruel family or person? CRISSCROSS: Uh... You could say that. CHIP: Yeah, unfortunately, Chris, I think that will get you a point. It's vague, but it fits the situation too well to ignore. f. Ran away from a cruel family or person? CHIP: And another one. CRISSCROSS: Darn. And I've had to do that more than a couple of times, too. CHIP: It doesn't say one for each time, so just one point there. CRISSCROSS: Thanks, Chip. g. Ran away from his/her own family? CRISSCROSS: Er... another point? GADGET: No, you didn't actually run away from Arthur, though I'm sure you would have. CHIP: That's true. h. Raised him/herself? CRISSCROSS: Okay, now *that's* another point. GADGET: Even I can't think of a way out of that one. i. Lived in the streets? CRISSCROSS: I live in a junkyard... does that count? CHIP: No, I think they mean if you grew up in a tough neighborhood. CRISSCROSS: I don't think Mimi would ever be considered a street tough punk. j. Last surviving member of a village/race/species? CRISSCROSS: There'd have to be more robofoxes in the first place for me to be the last of them. CHIP: But you are one of a kind. GADGET: That's never been a mentioned factor in the fanfics though. CHIP: ...Allright. k. Adopted by another species? CRISSCROSS: ...Again, I'm not sure if this counts. Both diGriz and Nimnul took me in and used me. GADGET: I think you have to consider something alive to adopt it, and they didn't consider you alive. You don't 'adopt' a shirt or a microwave oven. CHIP: Okay, no point. CRISSCROSS: Nicely done, Gadget. 64. Or what about any of these? CRISSCROSS: These what? These infernal questions? GADGET: Calm down, sweetie. a. Born/raised in poverty? GADGET: Poverty from a human perspective is an animal's normal way of life. We sleep outside, we eat scraps, we take what we need to survive from what we find around us. CRISSCROSS: Very well put, Gadget! GADGET: Thanks! b. Born/forced into slavery? CRISSCROSS: [hopefully] I wouldn't think mind control counts as slavery. CHIP: It's vague, but not too vague to exclude your circumstances. Add another point. CRISSCROSS: Darn. c. Banished from his/her home? CRISSCROSS: Don't think so. d. A member of a despised race? CRISSCROSS: Are robots despised here? GADGET: Nope, this isn't "Blade Runner" or "AI: Artificial Intelligence" CRISSCROSS: That movie made me cry at the end! GADGET: I thought you couldn't cry. CRISSCROSS: Well, figuratively I did. e. An illegitimate child? CRISSCROSS: Arthur never married, but I think I'm safe here anyway. CHIP: [sly grin] Considering you only had one parent, does that make you an immaculate conception? CRISSCROSS: *tee hee* That's verging on blasphemy, Chip. But it's still funny! f. The parent of an illegitimate child? CRISSCROSS: [turns to Gadget] You haven't been making duplicates of me while I'm not looking, have you? GADGET: Nope. g. Abused? CRISSCROSS: Hmm, I was forced against my will to hurt others before I became sentient. Does that count as abuse, or is it covered by the 'born into slavery' thing? GADGET: I know how much it hurt you inside when that happened, but I don't think it should count. CHIP: If it counts in real life, it should count for the test. Sorry, Chris. CRISSCROSS: That's allright. Chalk up another point. h. Raped? CRISSCROSS: Eek. Thankfully, no. 65. Did your character run away to escape an unwanted marriage? Female: Male: CRISSCROSS: Not to my knowledge, no. 66. Did anything just plain unusual occur in infancy? (Visited by aliens at birth, left on a doorstep, or somesuch oddity.) CRISSCROSS: I'm confused again. I was never an infant, at least not in this context. GADGET: Yeah, Chip. I don't think this applies. CHIP: Okay then. Moving on... 67. Does your character feel guilty for something that he/she did in the past? CRISSCROSS: Yes, I... GADGET: Chris, you weren't in control of yourself! You couldn't help it! You know you don't have to feel guilty. CRISSCROSS: I know Gadget, I know. But just knowing that doesn't stop me from feeling guilty anyway. Another point, Chip? CHIP: Another point. a. Death of the hero's family? CRISSCROSS: Would you be considered the hero, Chip? CHIP: [a bit humbly] Well, I guess so. CRISSCROSS: And your parents are still alive, right? CHIP: Last time I checked. CRISSCROSS: Movin' on then... b. Death of his/her own family? CRISSCROSS: No, and hopefully not forever. So long as Arthur stays in the nuthouse, I don't even wanna think about him. GADGET: Good for you, Chris. Vengeance doesn't solve anything. c. Become convinced by other characters that it wasn't his/her fault? GADGET: Eep, I sorta just did that now, didn't I? CRISSCROSS: No, I came to the conclusion that it wasn't my fault on my own a long time ago. GADGET: But you said... CRISSCROSS: Realizing it wasn't your fault, and feeling guilty anyway, are not mutually exclusive. GADGET: [nods] I understand. CHIP: I just glanced at a copy of "Double Criss-Crossed" and it does sort of allude to Chris convincing himself first. That, and other fics bear it out as well. CRISSCROSS: Neeeeext question. 68. Is your character a 21st-century Earth citizen transported to another time/world? CRISSCROSS: No. That was an easy one. a. Must he/she stay in that time/world? CRISSCROSS: _No_. 69. Is your character involved in a canon character's past in some way? CRISSCROSS: [wildly] I threw the bat through the window at Bruce Wayne's house!!! [chortles] CHIP: I'm assuming that's a no. a. In a way that was definitely NOT in the original story? CRISSCROSS: [wildly again] I threw a rubber chicken through the window at Bruce Wayne's house!!! [chortles some more] CHIP: [throws up hands] You were right earlier; you _are_ as big a goofball as Dale! 70. Is your character's history very similar to the history of a canon character? CRISSCROSS: Were any of you created by a power-mad robotics expert and used in unspeakable ways and later acquired sentience through a direct link to the internet? CHIP & GADGET: No. CRISSCROSS: Moooovin' on! 71. Is your character royalty or at least closely related to a royal? CRISSCROSS: Pfft! I wish! GADGET: 'Prince Crisscross'. I like the sound of it! a. Royalty without knowing it? CRISSCROSS: My real name's Anastasia. GADGET: [doing a Dot impression again] It's an obscure joke, kids. Ask your parents. CRISSCROSS: Stop that! b. Become adopted by a royal? CHIP: Prince Charles is on line two, Chris. Shall I tell him to call back? CRISSCROSS: [snickers] c. Ran away from his/her royal life of his/her free will? d. Against the orders of the king/queen? CRISSCROSS: I think we've played out this joke enough. 72. If not royalty, does your character belong to any other caste, social class, or organization that sounds prestigious, glamorous, exciting, or somehow desirable? (Pirates count.) CRISSCROSS: It's vague, but do you think they could mean the Rangers? CHIP: We are vigilantes, and that is considered exciting, mostly by a lot of people who aren't actually vigilantes themselves. GADGET: I disagree. A lot of people consider being an astronaut or firefighter exciting, but no one's born into being one. It's a job, not a social class. CRISSCROSS: She has a point, Chip. CHIP: Alright. And because she does, you don't have to take another. a. A member or child of someone in this class without knowing it? CRISSCROSS: My real name's Anastasia. CHIP: You already said that. CRISSCROSS: I just like saying it. CHIP: [groans] b. Adopted into this class? CRISSCROSS: If the Rangers don't count as a class, being asked to join doesn't count as being adopted, right? GADGET: Right. c. Does your character find out that he/she somehow belongs to this class, is upset about it, but ends up willingly joining by the end of the story? CRISSCROSS: Sounds like a show I saw about a kid who gets signed up for school choir, doesn't like it at first, but ends up finding he has a talent for it and gets an A at the end of the year. GADGET: What was it called? CRISSCROSS: "Sing Yer Butt Off, Kid". CHIP: I expected a better punchline to that. CRISSCROSS: Whaddaya want? I'm getting tired. GADGET: Don't worry, we should be getting close to the end. I think 73. Does your character have a non-canon twin or clone? CRISSCROSS: Barring any spare models of me Arthur left laying around, I don't think so. GADGET: [grumbles] Seems like I always have plenty... a. Separated at birth or a young age? CRISSCROSS: I wasn't technically 'born', so no. b. Is the twin/clone evil? CRISSCROSS: If there was, it would be. All twins/clones in cartoons are evil. GADGET: What about Huey, Dewey and Louie? CRISSCROSS: One of 'em's probably evil. CHIP: You're weird. 74. Is your character closely related to a canon character? CRISSCROSS: Gadget, you said you're distantly related to the Flavershams. GADGET: True, but you're not actually related to me because you're a machine. CRISSCROSS: Righto. a. The sibling? CRISSCROSS: Nope. b. The child of? CHIP: Nope. c. The lost child/sibling? GADGET: Nope. d. The twin/clone of? ALL: NOPE. e. Are the parents canon characters that seem very unlikely to get together? CRISSCROSS: [in five part harmony with himself] NOOOOOOPE. f. Do other characters frequently comment on or are constantly amazed by how much your character looks like his/her canon relative? CRISSCROSS: [repulsed] Gosh, I hope not! Arthur was not a mouse I want to resemble in any way! GADGET: Don't worry, Chris, you're his total opposite, inside and out! CRISSCROSS: Thanks, my mouseylove. 75. Is your character undeservingly despised by most people? CRISSCROSS: Not that I've noticed. GADGET: I've noticed some rodents are scared of you at first when they see you're a fox. But when they hear you're also a Rescue Ranger, they usually relax. CRISSCROSS: It's nice to have a good reputation, isn't it? a. Because he/she is unusually attractive/talented/rich? CRISSCROSS: Hah! I wish! GADGET: To be despised because you're unusually attractive/talented/rich? CRISSCROSS: Uh, no. Just the attractive/talented/rich part. b. Because of his/her special powers? CRISSCROSS: [overdramatic superhero voice] Everyone hates me, but I must not let that dissuade me from my quest, for I am Stinky Armpit Man!!! GADGET: [giggles] CHIP: Oh brother. (If your character is despised by everyone because he/she gets so much attention, douse yourself with cold water RIGHT NOW.) CRISSCROSS: Um, why? CHIP: So you'll short out your keyboard if you try to write more bad fan fiction, of course. CRISSCROSS: Ohhh... 76. Do non-love-interest canon characters like your character a lot? CHIP: Well, I hate to do this to you Chris, but I like you a lot, so you have to take another point. CRISSCROSS: Darn, I mean thanks, I mean... uh? a. Do the canon characters like your character the moment they meet or get to know him/her? CRISSCROSS: I guess so. I remember you guys gave me a pretty warm reception that first day. GADGET: Well, that could be because you were offering to help us move our house out of the kindness of your heart. CHIP: And because the Rangers don't make it a habit of hating people we've just met. CRISSCROSS: So what's the verdict, Chip? CHIP: It's a grey area, but I'm going to have to give you a point because even though it makes logical sense, the question's very specific about it. CRISSCROSS: Geez, I hate having to feel bad for being likeable! b. Do they care for your character more than they care for their canon friends? GADGET: That's not entirely fair. Why can't I care about Chris and the Rangers equally? CHIP: I think they mean if we all started caring about Chris more than we did each other for no real reason. GADGET: Okay then. I get it now. And that doesn't apply here, does it? CHIP: Not a bit. c. Would any canon character die for your character? CRISSCROSS: Geeze, another thorny one. Isn't part of being a Rescue Ranger being willing to put yourself in danger to save innocent people, even if you've never even met them? GADGET: Chris is right. Golly, I'd even risk my life to save someone I knew and didn't like, if it was the right thing to do. CHIP: I'm agreeing with you. Yeah, technically he should get a point here, but I'm not giving him one because it was pre-established before the fanfic that we Rangers would die to save *anyone*, if we absolutely had to. CRISSCROSS: Thank you, Chip. You are truly an honorable Chipmunk. d. Even characters who are not known for their friendly, out-going attitudes? CRISSCROSS: I don't think Fat Cat would die for me, so another no. e. Does any character who does NOT like your character from the start like him/her by the end? CHIP: I was mildly suspicious of you at first, but that doesn't mean I didn't like you. No point. CRISSCROSS: Okey-doke. 77. Does your character fall in love with a canon hero? CRISSCROSS: Aaargh! I knew that was coming eventually! CHIP: Shall I add a point? CRISSCROSS: I'd take a million points as long as I can end up with Gadget! GADGET: [giggles and gives him a hug] a. Become boyfriend/girlfriend? CRISSCROSS: Yeah baby, yeah!!! Gimme another point! b. Sleep with him/her? GADGET: I've taken naps all curled up in your fur before, Chris. CRISSCROSS: Uhhh... I don't think that's what they're referring to. No. c. End up married to him/her? CRISSCROSS: [grinning widely at the very though] A fox can hope, can't he? GADGET: No point... for now! CRISSCROSS: [gives Gadget a nuzzle] d. Or later openly reject the canon character because the canon character was "destined for someone else"? CRISSCROSS: I'm rejecting you, Gadget, because you are destined to be with Zipper. GADGET: [chuckles] I'm rejecting you, Chris, because you are destined to be with a Commodore 64. CRISSCROSS: Ooooch! You zinged me! CHIP: Good one, Gadget! e. Does the canon character in question break up with a previous love in order for any of these to happen? GADGET: Yes, Chris, before I met you I was madly in love with Rat Capone. CRISSCROSS: Geeze Louise, Gadget!!! How can you even joke about that?!? GADGET: [laughs her tail off] 78. Does your character manage to become friends with a villian, and through this friendship cause the villian to become reformed? CHIP: That's sorta similar to how you got Mepps to revolt against Fat Cat. CRISSCROSS: Me? I just had the idea! You guys all helped! And we did it in, what, a few minutes? That doesn't seem like 'managing to become friends' to me. GADGET: Besides, Chip, Mepps had wanted to break away for a long time. He did it on his own; we just helped him to see that he could. CHIP: Allright, allright. Fair enough. a. Does the villian revert back to his/her villanous self, but retain some bit of goodness, caused by a your character dying in some selfless way? CRISSCROSS: Mepps is still writing coffeehouse poetry and I'm still alive, right? CHIP & GADGET: Right. CRISSCROSS: Moooovin' on! 79. Does your character make canon characters realize their romantic feelings for each other? CHIP: Nope; Tammy and I did that all on our own. a. Did a "something special" between these characters not exist at all until your character came along? CHIP: Well, Tammy had it all along. I just needed to coax mine out of hiding. CRISSCROSS: And a darn good job I'd say you did, Chip! GADGET: That's right! 80. Does your character ever give out wisdom and advice to other characters in general? CRISSCROSS: Another broad one. Are we talking romantic advice, battle strategy advice, what? I mean, I told Gadget how to properly wire a blender to an alarm clock a few nights ago. Does that count? CHIP: I'd have to say no. You weren't depicted in the fanfics as running around acting like Ann Landers, so no point this time either. [Suddenly looks puzzled] And just why did you want to wire a blender to an alarm clock anyway? GADGET: So it'll make smoothies for you when you first wake up, of course. CHIP: [groans] Of course. How could I not have guessed? 81. Do other characters look up to your character? - But ignore if the only ones who look up to your character are RPG characters not under your control. CRISSCROSS: Why would rocket propelled grenades look up to me in the first place? GADGET: Maybe if they were 'cannon' characters. [giggles] CHIP: Augh. That's awful, Gadget. GADGET: Thanks, Chip *tee hee* CRISSCROSS: And I'd have to say no. I mean, Bink looks up to me, true, but I think the rest of you guys just look sort of eye-level at me. Whatever that means. CHIP: I see what you mean, Chris. a. As a leader? CRISSCROSS: Ah heh, nope. And I'm glad! I'm too wishy-washy to be a leader. GADGET: You're not wishy-washy, Chris. You're just... um... someone who considers all their options first. CRISSCROSS: You could be in public relations, my mousette. b. Do canon leaders see your character as a threat because of this? CHIP: [grinning and overly dramatic] Crisscross! You are a threat to my leadership! We must fight to the death! CRISSCROSS: [grinning and equally overdramatic] You dare to challenge me, puny mortal?!? GADGET [Grinning and etc.] Oh no! You mustn't! For I love you both! CRISSCROSS: En garde, girly 'munk! CHIP: Biff! CRISSCROSS: Socko! CHIP: Boom! CRISSCROSS: Blammo! CHIP: Pow! CRISSCROSS: Other assorted Batman TV show sound effects! CHIP: This is getting silly! CRISSCROSS: Yes! CHIP: Let's stop now! CRISSCROSS: Okay! 82. Does your character end up living with the canon characters? CRISSCROSS: Uh... CHIP: No way out of this one, Chris. CRISSCROSS: Wait, wait! You guys end up living with *me*! It's different! CHIP: [withering glance] CRISSCROSS: Oh, all right. Point me. GADGET: At least you tried. 83. Does he/she hang out with canon characters more than his/her own friends? (Assuming they have friends...) CRISSCROSS: Hmm. Well, I still 'hang out' with Mimi on occasion, but she and I weren't really going out on the town every night in the first place. She's my friend and all... CHIP: Okay, Chris. No point. CRISSCROSS: Woohoo! 84. If your character is a villian, does he/she become reformed at the end of the story? CHIP: It's *VILLAIN*!!! Does *no one* know how to spell it right?!? CRISSCROSS: Does a good guy who pretends to be a villain, but is still actually a good guy count? CHIP: No, Chris. CRISSCROSS: Woohoo again! a. By an act of kindness on the part of the hero? CRISSCROSS: Mooooot. 85. When your character makes his/her entrance, do the canon characters notice him/her practically right away? CRISSCROSS: I'm not sure how to take this. GADGET: Yeah, you jumped right on top of me. How could I *not* notice you? CRISSCROSS: Yeah, Chip, what does this one mean? Like, as opposed to what? CHIP: I *think* they mean if the character shows up in the story, do they then interact with the main characters right away or several pages later. CRISSCROSS: Oh, well in that case... CHIP: Another point. 86. Are canon characters "dumbed down" or "wimpified" so your character can shine? CRISSCROSS: [growling] I should hope not!!! I'd hate myself if that was the case! I never even *thought* about wanting to outshine you guys. You're the *Rescue Rangers* for meatloaf's sake!! I was honored just to be able to help you guys out that first day! GADGET: [pat on the cheek] I'm glad you feel that way, Chris. CHIP: Me too. No point this time. 87. Does your character ever take over the job/position of a canon character? CRISSCROSS: I became a team member, but I didn't squeeze anyone out. CHIP: No argument here. a. Permanantly? CHIP: How I miss poor Gummo. CRISSCROSS: Who's Gummo? CHIP: The canon character whose job/position you took over permanently. CRISSCROSS: Ohh... *tee hee* 88. Does your character get kidnapped by the bad guys so his/her crush/friends can heroically come to the rescue? CRISSCROSS: No. Y'know, it would seem like a character'd be more of a Mary Sue if it was the other way around, and _they_ were the ones to heroically rescue the canon characters. GADGET: Yeah, it does. Do you suppose that's what they meant? CRISSCROSS: Who knows? a. Is he/she kidnapped for any special reason? CRISSCROSS: Gadget, have I ever been kidnapped? GADGET: Well... Nimnul and diGriz did take control of you for their own evil purposes. CHIP: But wait, you said yourself a while ago that Chris wasn't adopted by them because they didn't consider him alive. Can you kidnap a stove or a car? CRISSCROSS: Waitaminnit, who's the devil's advocate here? CHIP: Oh, forget who's on who's side. I'm tired and I just want this to end soon. GADGET: Me too! CRISSCROSS: Hear, hear! b. If an RP character, have you tried this plot device more than once during the story? CRISSCROSS: I'm not a red panda!!! 89. Does your character start out good, but gets turned to evil by the villian? CRISSCROSS: Only pretending. Doesn't count. 90. If female, does your character ever have to prove that she's just as good as the guys? CRISSCROSS: I'M NOT A GIRL!!!!! 91. Do you tell the story mostly/all from your character's point of view? - But ignore if the character is in an RPG and is the only one you are controlling. CRISSCROSS: Uh... Another point for me? GADGET: Well, your introduction story was mostly your point of view, but it was your introduction, after all. CRISSCROSS: True. I was hardly even in 'Cobwebs'. GADGET: And not at all in "Wild Night Flight". Then again, I wasn't either. CHIP: Hate to burst your bubble, but this test seems mostly focused on the first fanfic showing the character taking the test, and since that one *was* mostly told from Chris' point of view... CRISSCROSS: Aw, rats. 92. (RP Only!) Do you constantly try to bring the story's spotlight back onto your character? a. Have other players become annoyed with this, but you still did it anyway? CRISSCROSS: I'M NOT A RED PANDA!!!!! 93. Does your character single-handedly accomplish what no-one else has managed to do so far? (IE, defeat a major villian once and for all, discover a long-awaited cure, or solve a mystery that's been hanging in the air since episode No. 1.) CRISSCROSS: Uh, well, we did bring down Fat Cat that night. And he hasn't been back since. GADGET: You just saved yourself from taking a point, Chris. You said 'we'. We did it as a team, so it wasn't anyone doing it 'single-handedly'! CRISSCROSS: Oooh! Good deduction, cutie! 94. Does he/she single-handedly rescue the good guys? CRISSCROSS: [a little sheepishly] Uh, I seem to remember trying to rescue you from a chainsaw, getting chopped in half, and the floor falling through anyway... CHIP: That would be a no then. 95. Is your character hated and/or wanted by any major villian? CRISSCROSS: I guess Fat Cat hates me now. GADGET: I think they mean if the villain hated you *before* the events of the story. CHIP: VILLAIN!!! Vee-eye-ell-ell-ay-eye-enn!!! Get a spell checker!!! CRISSCROSS: Uh, Chip...? a. For no apparent reason? CRISSCROSS: I betrayed his tubby butt and helped orchestrate his downfall. I'd say that's a reason. b. Something to do with your character's family, and NOT your character him/herself? CRISSCROSS: Yeah, right. Fat Cat hates me because Arthur once insulted his taste in clothes. GADGET: His taste in clothes? CRISSCROSS: Can't you see Fat Cat hating someone into the next generation because of that? GADGET: Yeah, I can, actually. 96. Is your character spared by a villian? CRISSCROSS: Big fat no. a. Despite the fact that he/she has already done massive damage to the villian, his troops, and/or stronghold? CRISSCROSS: [impersonating Fat Cat] You've just betrayed my tubby butt and helped orchestrate my downfall, but hey, I forgive you. No hard feelings! b. Because the villian is attracted to your character? CHIP: [Impersonating Fat Cat too] Oh Crisscross, your eyes are such a delicate shade of green, like summer clover. GADGET: Eeeeew! Gross! CRISSCROSS: Chip, please don't ever do that again. CHIP: [chuckling] 97. Does your character end up saving the day and/or the life of another character? CRISSCROSS: Actually, now that I think about it, I didn't actually directly save *anything* that night! That's kind of embarrassing! GADGET: Aw, that's okay Chris. You helped, and that's what matters. CRISSCROSS: Coming from anyone but you, that would sound phony, Gadget. But I believe you and I'm glad you feel that way. a. Magically? CRISSCROSS: That might have been nice. I could have just turned Fatty into a toad and been done with it. GADGET: [giggles at the thought of it] I can just imagine that! 'Mepps! Bring me some skin lotion! Now!!' [giggles some more] b. By dying? (Turning to stone or getting sent to an inescapable dimension count, too.) CRISSCROSS: I'm still alive, right guys? CHIP & GADGET: Right. CRISSCROSS: Moooovin' on! c. By ALMOST dying? CRISSCROSS: Well, that's true. But I didn't actually stop the chainsaw by doing it. So does it count? GADGET: I wouldn't think so. CHIP: Me either. d. Does everyone mourn the death if he/she dies? GADGET: We mourned you for a little bit. CRISSCROSS: But I wasn't actually dead. I just needed rebooting. GADGET & CRISSCROSS: Chip? CHIP: I want to say no, but it *was* a bit of a cliche. Dale even said so. CRISSCROSS: Oh, all right. Poot. e. Does the character get revived in the end of the story? CRISSCROSS: I suppose you're going to give me another point for this? CHIP: Looks like I have to. CRISSCROSS: Double poot! f. Does the character get revived in the sequel? CRISSCROSS: Already revived, no need. 98. Do you plan on writing more stories about your character? - Ignore if an RPG character. CRISSCROSS: Well, I've already appeared in three more fanfics. GADGET: And there's going to be a new novel-length one out soon! CRISSCROSS: That was a nice little plug, my dear. GADGET: Thanks! Morgan gave me five bucks for it! CHIP: 'Nother point. 99. Do you think you would get along with your character in real life? CRISSCROSS: Morgan says yes. That jerk. CHIP: 'Nother point. 100. Do you ever imagine you are this character? - But skip if the only imagining you do is when you write the story. CRISSCROSS: Morgan says no. That wonderful guy. [grin] CHIP: 'Nother poi-Whoops! Force of habit. 101. Do you plan on writing stories about your character's children? - Fanfiction only. CRISSCROSS: Morgan says he thought about it, and even drew some pics of a future kid, but doesn't actually think he'll ever get around to it. Is that the same as planning to? GADGET: I would think not. 'Planning' assumes that you're actually going to go through with it someday, or have taken steps to do so. CHIP: [starting to sound bored] Moooovin' on. 102. Do you feel insulted when someone doesn't like your character? CRISSCROSS: Interestingly enough, I don't think I've ever actually had any Rangerphiles come out and say they don't like me. There's even this one guy who sends Morgan email every now and then asking for more stories with me in them! CHIP: Well, congratulations! GADGET: Yeah, good for you, Chris! CRISSCROSS: And just to be clear, no I wouldn't be insulted. Though I might try a little harder to see if they'd change their mind. 103. Did you feel that this test insulted you or your character? CRISSCROSS: [tired and sarcastic] Yes, yes, I'm horribly insulted and my rage knows no bounds. No, of course not. How could they insult me when they're not even aware of my existence?Is that the last question? GADGET: No, there's a few more. CRISSCROSS: Someone please shoot me. CHIP: [makes a little gun with his fingers] Bang. Feel better now? CRISSCROSS: Ahhh. Much, thank you. Note - questions clicked beyond this point will subtract from the final score! CHIP: Well, that's interesting. Maybe you can knock a few points off, Chris. CRISSCROSS: I doubt it. This test seems designed to hate just about any fanfic character ever conceived. GADGET: Oh, I dunno, it seems like Trackball might come up with an okay score. CRISSCROSS: Now that I think about it, she probably would. 1. Is your character overweight, and stays overweight throughout the entire story? (And not just a little chubby, either! Think Camryn Manheim!) CRISSCROSS: Hey! I like Camryn Manheim!! GADGET: You do? CRISSCROSS: Yeah. For one, she's a good actress. For two, she's not ashamed of her body and that she doesn't look like a cookie-cutter supermodel, and I respect that a lot. GADGET: Wow, I didn't know you felt that way! CRISSCROSS: Well, I respect you just the same for not wearing makeup or dressing up in silly girlie clothes. That stuff just hides the inner you. GADGET: That's just how I feel! [Gives him a little hug] CHIP: By the way, Chris, how much DO you weigh? CRISSCROSS: About eight pounds, more or less. CHIP: Really? I thought titanium would be heavier. CRISSCROSS: Actually, a lot of me is lightweight plastic polymer, and that offsets the weight of the metal a lot. CHIP: Oh, okay. 2. Is your character honestly ugly, and stays ugly throughout the entire story? CRISSCROSS: No, and I'm not saying I do, not even to get a point back! 3. Is your character physically disabled, and has nothing to make up for it? (To quote Dr. Merlin, anyone who says "She's so pretty that it's like a disability because everyone hates her or wants to have sex with her" will be summarily keelhauled.) CRISSCROSS: I don't think not being able to cry or pee counts as a disability. GADGET: Eeew. Let's move on. 4. Is he/she truly mentally disabled, IE, retarded, and has no powers because or despite of this? CRISSCROSS: Oh come on! How many fanfic characters can you even think of like this? CHIP: [instant recall] Adam, from "Soul Searching" CRISSCROSS: Lucky shot. 5. Is your character human, 40+, and looks his/her age? CRISSCROSS: _NO_. 6. Does your character have a truly debilitating phobia that does not mysteriously disappear at a crucial moment? CRISSCROSS: I'm afraid of endless Mary Sue tests. CHIP: I'm afraid of being drawn with a red nose by unobservant Disney artists. GADGET: I'm afraid of mice. CHIP & CRISSCROSS: [they just look at her] GADGET: Oh, come on! It was funny! CRISSCROSS: Wait a minute! Is it over?!? CHIP: I think so. CRISSCROSS: Hallelujah! Your total is: 34 CRISSCROSS: EEEEYAHH!!! GADGET: Don't get upset! Maybe it's not such a bad score! Okay... now that your score is added up, here's the verdict, based off the original test but moderately modified. CRISSCROSS: I'm crossing my fingers *and* toes. 0-14 Points Fanfic: All good! A developed character, most likely not a Mary-Sue. RPG: See above. CRISSCROSS: I maintain, given the incredibly broad and unforgiving nature of the questions, that there is not a single fanfic character ever written (who has more than three lines in the story) that can get a score this low. CHIP: Now that I'm not playing devil's advocate anymore, I'd have to agree with you. 15-20 Points Fanfic: Borderline. If you're not careful, this character could turn into a Mary-Sue. RPG: Still safe ground here. GADGET: It's not safe ground if there are rocket propelled grenades flying around. CRISSCROSS: Gadget, we've done that joke to death already. GADGET: Sorry. 21-34 Points Fanfic: Mary-Sue alert! There's still a good chance of saving this character, but caution will be needed! RPG: It's possible to go either way at this point. Try not to get too annoying, and you should be fine. CRISSCROSS: [gigantic sigh of relief] WHEW!!! Just barely made it! By one point! GADGET: But it says you're a Mary Sue! CRISSCROSS: Not quite, it says 'Mary Sue alert', which I think means I'm in the vicinity of Mary Sue Land, but not 100% all the way there. And given how there are about eighty billion questions in this thing, I imagine mine was a relatively low score, and I figure this is about as good a break as I'm going to get out of this. GADGET: Good point. CRISSCROSS: Eek, don't say that! I don't wanna hear that word again for a week! 35+ Points Fanfic: This character is so Mary-Sue they are hopeless as they currently stand. The only thing to do at this point is to re-write the story and character. RPG: With skill, you might be able to pull it off, but be sure to let other players have their fun, too. CRISSCROSS: There, but for a single point, go I. Do you guys think I'm a hopeless Mary Sue? GADGET: Oh, Chris. You don't even have to ask me! You know I think you're fine just how you are. CRISSCROSS: Thanks, sweetie. [looks to CHIP] What about you, Chip? CHIP: You're a fanfiction character, Chris. Any author is going to put a bit of themselves into a character they care about. Inevitably, there's going to be some Mary Sueism. I think the real test is not some standardized form, but how well the character works within the story, and how the audience reacts to them. You're an interesting case, Chris, in that you do possess a lot of traits that could lead you to be a Mary Sue in the wrong author's hands. The tragic past, the love of the canon character, the good guy/bad guy/good guy switcheroo... But you got lucky in that the person who created you also has tremendous respect and love for the show itself, and who wanted to create a character to help the established characters, not to take their place. Most of all, you were created as a present to Gadget. Your author has loved and admired her ever since he was a little kid, and he wanted to give her someone who could understand her on her level, and care for her as much as she deserves. Chris, I think that one way, among many, that you avoid being a true Mary Sue is that your author chose to surround you with cliches just so he could smash them. You also have faults and weaknesses that balance your strengths, and most of all in your favor, you're honestly humble. That right there is something one hardly ever encounters in a Mary Sue. CRISSCROSS: [is too moved to speak for a little bit] Gosh, thanks, Chip! I... I've never heard it all put like that before. I feel a lot better now. By the way, how do you know all this stuff? CHIP: [grins] Morgan gave me five dollars to say it. CRISSCROSS: [laughs and gives Chip a noogie] Who's the goofball now, huh? 70+ Points Fanfic: Completely hopeless case. RPG: Unless you are the Grand Exhaulted Administrator with the Super Stick of Doom, you should really consider toning it down. Otherwise you might incur the wrath of the forementioned. CRISSCROSS: You are Wolf, the Shadow Warrior CHIP & GADGET [both back away slowly] CRISSCROSS: What?! CHIP: You're gonna get some hate mail for that one! CRISSCROSS: But it's true!! 100+ Both: Umm... I don't think anyone could get this high a score except on purpose. If it wasn't on purpose, then you're gonna need all the help you can get in the field of fanfic writing. CRISSCROSS: Now, if you did get 100 points, wouldn't your character be so bizarre and messed up that they would then become interesting? GADGET: Reminds me of a logic problem I heard once. Disclaimer: Part 1: Any resemblance to other characters in the "samples" is strictly coincidental. CRISSCROSS: Yeah, right. Part 2: This test is a perpetual Work In Progress and any bad scores that you receive is NOT an attack against you. CRISSCROSS: Yeah, right. Version 3.5 CRISSCROSS: Yeah, right. CHIP: [smirks] You didn't like this test much, did you Chris? CRISSCROSS: No. In all honesty, I thought it was too tough. I agree with you that a character can be a bit on the Mary Sue side, but still be a good character if they're handled right. This test seemed designed to punish absolutely aspect of a character imaginable. I mean, some cliches are unavoidable. There are only so many character types available to choose from in the fanfiction format. Plus, if a writer works too hard at making a character original, it can feel strained, and that character won't end up connecting with the audience. Some familiarity is good. And besides, it's just fanfiction for an old cartoon show. Let's all lighten up. GADGET: You make some good poi- CRISSCROSS: Errrk! GADGET: Sorry! CHIP: Actually, Chris, I have something here that might make you feel a bit better. CRISSCROSS: What's that? CHIP: While you were taking the test, I was secretly keeping track of Widget's score according to the test. CRISSCROSS: Really? Widget's one of the best fanfic characters ever, in my opinion. I love doing fics with her! What score did she get? CHIP: [grins knowingly] CRISSCROSS: Come on! Tell me! It was really low, wasn't it? CHIP: Twenty nine. GADGET & CRISSCROSS: YOU'RE KIDDING!!! CHIP: Not at all. I did my very best to be as objective as I could. She got 29 poi- CRISSCROSS: Errrk! CHIP: Sorry. She got a score of 29, which means... [Waits for Crisscross to get it] CRISSCROSS: ...which means she and I were in the same score bracket! GADGET: Golly! CRISSCROSS: Well, jeepers! If Widget, one of the most original and cool fanfic characters out there is considered a Mary Sue Alert by this test, then maybe that's not such a bad thing after all... [smiles warmly] GADGET: [hugs Chris' forepaw] I couldn't agree more! CHIP: You might also be interested to know that, as a contrast, I was also secretly totalling up Leviathan's score, too. GADGET: [her eyebrows go up] Really? What score did he get? CHIP: Fifty two. CRISSCROSS: [lets out a low whistle] Wowie-zowie. At least mine wasn't _that_ high! By the way, if you did Leviathan, why didn't you do Wescott, too? CHIP: Well, you saw how I was marking off the totals on a scorepad, right? CRISSCROSS & GADGET: Uh huh. CHIP: [grins sharkishly] I didn't want to run out of paper, that's all. GADGET: You're mean, Chip! [But she's grinning too] CRISSCROSS: Oh, come on. Don't be mean to Wes. I actually like his character! He's so blatantly over-the-top, he's actually quite entertaining. CHIP: [rolls eyes] Suit yourself. GADGET: Well, the test is over. What do we do now? CRISSCROSS: [smirking] Push the button, Frank. FWOOOOOOSH! CRISSCROSS: Why are we still here? CHIP: Because this wasn't a MiSTing. CRISSCROSS: Really? It felt like one. GADGET: But how do we end this? CHIP: Maybe we should just stare at the audience until they go away. CRISSCROSS: Are they still there? GADGET: Yep. GADGET: Why don't they go away? CHIP: Maybe they're asleep. CRISSCROSS: Wanna steal their wallets then? GADGET: Hey, Chris, why don't we go roll in the mud and cuddle? CRISSCROSS: Awww, you remembered! MK? 7/22/04, 11:25 P.M. To 7/23/04, 8:21 A.M.